Psychiatric Volatile
by Witch Of Hope
Summary: It wasn't my fault I didn't have the most perfect hearing as of a month ago. A car accident with a drunk driver can do that to you. As my parents said it, I was mentally unable to keep up with anything anymore. I was home-schooled, or as I liked to call it- hospital-schooled.
1. Chapter 1

The beeps coming from the heart monitor seemed to distract me from the recent news of death and sorrow. The beeps were _mine_. The heart monitor produced them, but they were mine. I couldn't tell if they were healthy or not. Maybe I would be the next one to die. My funeral would only hold my relatives and the very few friends I've managed to keep for the few years I was in school.

As I went on and on in my mind about my death, I didn't notice the door open and close with a soft click. It wasn't my fault I didn't have the most perfect hearing as of a month ago. A car accident with a drunk driver can do that to you. As my parents said it, I was mentally unable to keep up with anything anymore. I was home-schooled, or as I liked to call it- hospital-schooled. Thanks to that accident everyone saw me as someone who was mentally enable to do anything I use to be able to. That was a load of bull. I was able to do even more than I could before, but sometimes my hearing got a little fuzzy. By a little, I meant a lot. Little kids would yell _'I can't hear you!_' as a joke. I, on the other hand, actually couldn't hear you when my mind flipped out and the hearing portion broke down.

Did I mention the brain damage? Yeah, well, thank you drunk driving. I use to have mental melt downs every five hours, but now it only happened every week or so. My teachers didn't take them well either. I was sent home every day around 5th period thanks to them. Wasn't my fault my brain fried after lunch. The information was just too much to handle. My dad seemed to be ticked off every time he saw me freak out.

One of my old friends told me that I was cute, and if it wasn't for the melt downs and loss of hearing, everyone would hang around me. I knew that wasn't the truth. It was my personality they didn't like. I could scream insults at them for hours on hours on hours. It wasn't my fault the world had something against me, and that was all I could do to express myself. I didn't mind shouting at people either. Insults slid off of my tongue without hesitation. Why hesitant when I knew exactly what I was saying?

In that very moment, my mind decided it didn't like being normal and flipped out. My body limbs were flying everywhere and out of my control. Before I knew it, I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I was surprised that my limbs were still attached to me, and that I hadn't hurt my vocal cords yelling this loud. It took my older brother to calm me down. He was the lucky one. He didn't have these breakdowns, and Dad loved him. So did Mom. I could see the way it hurt them to look at me like this. It really hurt me as well, but they couldn't see that.

I didn't know how long had passed since my breakdown, and I didn't care. They were forcing me to go back to that stupid school. That school contained the jocks that made my life a living Hell. The main one, Dave Strider, had pushed me so hard once that I had a meltdown out of my usual routine. I don't think he actually cared if he ticked off someone outside of his group of friends. To be honest, I was a little happy that my older brother played football. Sometimes I got to go to lunch with him, and I got into football games free. I sat down on the bench with the other players, but I didn't go out on the field. I just got to sit in the player seats due to my condition.

My mind was distracted from the present, so I didn't notice we were out of my hospital room until a bit later. I asked my dad where we were going over and over again, but he didn't reply. I could see his knuckles turn white against the wheel. I knew then that I should calm down and stop asking, but did I? No. No because I wanted to know where they taking me. I didn't want to go to another hospital. All of the hospitals sucked ass. They all treated me the same. _Oh, little boy, please calm down. _I hated them and the way they talked to me. I was capable of more thoughts than them!

Where I was now was much worse than any other hospital around the world. School. To be exact, my old school. It seemed like my mind was freaking out more today than any other day. I was completely silent and frozen in my seat. I didn't want to go in there. I really didn't, but who would listen to me?

No one was the answer. No one wanted to listen to someone with brain damage, and end up being called stupid. So I was stuck with no one to listen to me. That was the way things worked in this world, and it wasn't my fault. It sure did feel like it though.

Before I knew it, my feet were padding along beside my brother's. I couldn't stop them from moving because my brain decided that I held no power over my feet. I knew I was leaning on Kankri, my brother, to keep from falling over though. I knew a lot of things. My mind went blank for a minute, but when it focused again I was screaming my head off.

_"Wha's rong? You want yer Mommie?" he held out the word '_Mommie_' and his breath had a horrid smell to it._

_ "No, but I'm sure you could use some mouthwash." That earned me a punch in the stomach. _

_ "Shut yer mouth, ye useless vermin." I didn't understand how anyone could possibly understand him. _

_ "Stop picking on the mental kid," that came from someone else. "I already had dibs on that."_

_ Oh. Oh no. Not this asshole._


	2. Chapter 2

"_Stop picking on the mental kid," that came from someone else. "I already had dibs on that."_

_ Oh. Oh no. Not this asshole._

_ I didn't understand how my luck could be so bad that I had to run into Dave Strider another time. He had already beaten me up once today. Wasn't that enough? No. Of course it wasn't. Not for Dave Strider. He would probably beat me over and over again until my brain didn't have the energy to melt down._

_ Speaking of my brain, it was about time for the hourly melt down. I could hear the two bullies- my two bullies- fighting over who got to bully me. Then. I melted down. I screamed, squealed, whatever you wanted to call it. I was going crazy. That got everyone's attention in the gym. The coach ran it, saw me, saw Dave and the other bully, and dragged us all to the principal's office. That's when Kankri was called down to the office to control me. Not like he could. I couldn't even control me, so why should he be able to? Maybe they just thought he could. That was short lived because when he touched me I got louder. Nothing was going to stop my brain from freaking out this time. _

_At least, that's what I thought before I broke out in a fit of coughing. My throat was aching from screaming at the top of my lungs, and I didn't plan on doing it again this whole day. By that I meant my brain might want to do that again, but there was a slim chance of that happening._

_My attention was drawn back to the certain situation with a snap of fingers belonging to Strider. "Vantas. Yo Vantas. Earth to Vantas. I think his brain finally shut down." That earned him a punch from Kankri, which made me snicker. _

"_I would be better if it weren't for you two numbskulls beating me up for lunch money like middle schoolers. You should know by now that I don't carry lunch money," I snapped back after a moment. "Kankri, I want to leave __**now**__."_

When my eyes focused and my hearing sharpened, I glanced over at Kankri who had stopped walking. He really was an awesome brother, but he was concerned way too much. I zoned out all of the time. Almost like my friend, Gamzee Makara, did. Except he did weed or something, and I have a mental illness that will affect me the rest of my life. We, sort of, cut connections after he got together with Terezi though. He told me that I was controlling her, and I probably was. Past me was an idiot. Future me is sort of an idiot too, but I wouldn't know that since I haven't met him yet.

To be honest, future me is going to be an idiot too. My mental state wasn't going to get any better with the track it's on right now.

"Karkat? Karkat, are you alright?"

"I'm fine so fuck off, asswipe." That was me talking. Not my brain.

"Okay, okay..." Kankri started to walk again. It wasn't my fault that he had stopped in the first place. My meltdowns happened very often.

I told myself that he was just worried. Worried about my future, probably. Who wouldn't be? I didn't have a future in anything, and it was all because of a little drunk driving. It pissed me off knowing that no one would call on me in class because they didn't think I'd be capable of providing an answer. The truth was that I couldn't provide an answer, brain damage or no brain damage. It still made me mad though.

It also sort of scared me to think while in a car, so I hardly ever went anywhere. The hospital was my home half of the time. The other half of the time, I would spend time with my real dad. I called him Stabdad because he always threatened to stab someone. He even stabbed me once. I couldn't say I wasn't expecting that. Everyone else called him Spades Slick though. I didn't get why, but whatever. It was sort of like growing up and expecting everyone to call your mom and dad the exact same name as you call them, but then you figure out that isn't how it works.


	3. Chapter 3

I know I haven't been uploading and that this is 500 words below my goal, but the next chapter is going to be really, really big! (AKA I'll be writing for a decent two or three weeks before even thinking about posting another chapter.) Anyway here's the next chapter!

* * *

It also sort of scared me to think while in a car, so I hardly ever went anywhere. The hospital was my home half of the time. The other half of the time, I would spend time with my real dad. I called him Stabdad because he always threatened to stab someone. He even stabbed me once. I couldn't say I wasn't expecting that. Everyone else called him Spades Slick though. I didn't get why, but whatever. It was sort of like growing up and expecting everyone to call your mom and dad the exact same name as you call them, but then you figure out that isn't how it works.

My mind had left Earth once again. I knew because I wasn't in the hallway anymore. I was sitting in the principal's office with my head hung and looking at the brown wood. When I was here before, there was tile instead of wood. Or was it actually wood? I couldn't seem to remember anything and it was starting to bother me. What would I forget next? My birthday? Would I forget everything I know? Setting my hands in my lap didn't keep them from shaking.

"Karkat. Karkat, is something wrong?"

Was I supposed to answer that? I didn't want to answer that. Everything was wrong with me. I wasn't normal, so people wouldn't hang out with me. I would be put in the special ED class like everyone else with a situation like me. All I wanted to be was normal. Fuck drunk drivers. Fuck everyone who drank alcohol whatsoever.

"I'm fine," I replied. Why did I reply at all?

"Could you step outside for a moment? Just sit in the front office."

I wasn't happy about it even though I moved to sit alone in the front office. Keyword: alone. I was alone in a space where anyone could come up to me and finish what the drunk driver did to me. They could actually kill me instead of giving me god damn brain damage that liked to get worse every day. I'm seriously going to forget my birthday sooner or later. Once I do that, I'll just let them subdue me with colorful letter blocks or something.

Like anyone would even waste time on me with some stupid blocks I could once figure out without any help. How did a car crash do this to me? How did a simple god damn car crash cause this much brain damage? I couldn't let anyone get away with doing this to anyone else. I just couldn't. The next person just might not be as lucky. What if they ended up way worse than me? Did people not understand how easy it is to kill someone? I can't handle that. I couldn't handle that news anytime soon or later. People didn't deserve to die. No one deserved to die, even if they did something so lawfully wrong. They deserved an actual life.


	4. The Bullshit Bully- 1

-DAVE'S POV-

I felt bad about what I did to that boy a couple of years ago. He wasn't asking for me to pick on him. He was asking for me to not join in with my friends' bullshit bullying. After nearly beating and spitting on him, he never told anyone what happened. He never told.

That surprised me the most. People on television always told, but never him. He kept his mouth shut. We treated him like a god damn dog, and the mental kid did us a favor. I am such an idiot. If Bro ever find out what happened, he'd drag my ass back to that small town in the middle of nowhere just to apologize to the little pipsqueak.

Fuck, it's only been two years and I'm still thinking about that stupid little loud mouthed brat… I wish I could say sorry about how stupid I was back then. The chances of me going back to that little town in the middle of nowhere were basically zero percent. I would never see Karkat Vantas again. It didn't matter if there was a chance. The last time I heard of Karkat, the guy was permanently put into the hospital. Something about brain damage.

That wasn't my business though. I had to worry about scholars and all the bullshit in between there. College and shit. Yeah. Maybe I could get a music degree since I have that thing with the turntables. I'm pretty good on those.

My train of thought was interrupted by a rough against the door.


	5. The Bullshit Bully- 2

It wasn't like I was in my own little world. Just enough to not have to pay attention to my surroundings. That was totally unStrider like, I know, but I couldn't really focus on one exact thing since last month. My mind was like a fucking ocean all of the sudden, just going with the flow and not focusing on one thing. See, now I sound like the kid that was always high off his ass.

I can't remember anyone's name from two years ago. Except Karkat skinny prick Vantas. He wasn't all that important. He was never important.

Whatever. Back to the rough knocking against my door.

"That ain't like you, Bro. Are you really knockin' against _my_ door?" I nearly snorted, but quickly saved myself from doing so. I had already gone against the Strider name once today. Might as well save myself from doing so again.

"Get your ass out here, Dave. You have important mail apparently."

I glanced up at the door, scoffing to myself. Like Hell _I_ had important mail. I was just a good for nothing jock who knew what he was doing with a pair of turntables. I knew exactly what I was doing with a pair of turntables, and that was spinning them so hard that they fell out to space.

Like _damn_.

Sir, how far did it go?

It went as it wanted to go because it had its own little dreams to accomplish.

Sir, that's the truest thing I've heard since I was born.

Damn right.


	6. Chapter 4

Author's Note: The first five lines are in Dave's pov, and the rest is in Karkat's pov.

* * *

Right, back to the mail business.

I got up, unlocking the door to find the mail lying on the ground. Bro wasn't really patient these days. Whatever, the mail was currently in my hands and

Oh.

Oh, this was bigger than big.

This was really huge, and I couldn't think of any way to honestly describe it properly.

* * *

School and treatment took up most of my time. A whole year had passed since I was enrolled in this Hell once again. I don't really remember much about that day. I have a calendar hanging above my computer desk at home, and I wrote down literally everything on there. I had a tendency to forget anything and everything, and forgetting was not allowed especially now. Special ED classes were kind of starting to get hard when I forgot everything I was taught the week before. Studying was useless by now.

When you're mentally unstable, you get a lot of perks and then you get beat up. I didn't mind as much anymore because I knew they just wanted to look cool in front of their friends. Friends were still hard for me to come by.

Speaking of bullies and how unstable I was, my mind decided that it didn't need to be focused on anything right now. That was just my luck, huh? I stood in my own little world. It was quiet, just the way I liked it. The breeze was gentle, and it was warm enough for me to not wear a jacket or sweater. There wasn't any violence here, so I would have been completely normal. I would have a list of friends that went miles and miles on.

_"Get up, you useless pig!" The first one barked._

_ "Hey, hey. Stop yelling. They're going to hear us. You need to keep your voice down." The second one said as calm as ever._

_ "I'll keep my voice down when the damn brat wakes the fuck up." The first one was starting to get on my nerves._

_ "Well we can't really do anything about that, now can we? We wait for him to wake up. For now, we transport him to some place more private."_

_ I could hear them in my mind. I just couldn't talk right now. The accident caused my brain to shut down at random times. Random times like this one, for example. Or maybe it was the fact that they shoved a god damn rag in my mouth. I simply refused to open my eyes for either of them. God knows who I wanted to beat me up now. It might have been the whole damn school, and honestly, I'm going to let it happen. I don't care anymore. Let them beat me up. I'm fucking useless to them any other way. _

_ Shifting. A lot of shifting occurred as they continued to talk about God knows what. I wasn't really paying attention. I don't think I really want to pay attention right now anyway. Paying attention seemed a bit too hard for me and my dysfunctional brain. _

_ I hit the ground roughly, grunting as I did so. Well couldn't they be gentler? Probably not. They were cold hearted douchebags who brought me to some place that smelled strongly of liquor and had loud music playing everywhere. I hated alcohol. There was nothing I hated more than alcohol. Alcohol made me mentally unstable, and here they were, waving that fact around in my face like I was a starving orphan. _

_ This place made me want to vomit. I wanted to go home, but I couldn't. Kankri was probably at home already, wondering where I was. He most likely thought that I had finally made friends or something. That wasn't the case at all. I don't make friends. Ever. Thank Kankri and his hopefulness that I'm in this mess. _

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ _Fuck. Fuck. _

_Fuck._

_This wasn't helping at all. I couldn't get out of this by repeating 'Fuck' in my mind. I couldn't get out of this at all. I was useless and mentally ill. Ill, unstable. There wasn't a difference between the two. They both could describe me at any time of the day. _

_I slowly opened my eyes. It didn't matter much since there was a blindfold to keep me from looking around. I really didn't want to look. The background music was kind of low, but still loud. The smell of alcohol currently didn't fade like the music did._

"_If we let you talk, are you going to scream?"_

_I didn't know who said that, but I couldn't stand the taste of this damn rag in my mouth any longer. What did they do to it? Leave it in the bottom of their gym bag for God knows how long? I shook my head to answer their question._

"_Good. We aren't going to have any trouble with you," they said as they pulled off the makeshift gag. _

_As soon as I felt their hand close enough to my mouth, I bit down as hard as I could. I needed to get out of here now. My head was beginning to ache, and I didn't want to stay around to find out what the hell they wanted with me._

_There was a loud hiss, some stumbling, and then I was being held against the wall. I screamed as loud as my lungs allowed. Someone had to hear me. That music might have been too loud though and... And __**fuck**__. Fuck me for doing things without thinking._

_As loud as I could wasn't enough apparently._

I screamed. My eyes shot around the room. No. God no. That memory was supposed to stay buried inside of this horrid brain of mine.

After looking around the room, I saw that everyone's eyes were on me. I couldn't. I couldn't stay here. Where was Kankri? Where was the hospital guy? They weren't supposed to leave my side. They were supposed to protect me under all circumstances. I couldn't stay here.

I got up, gathered all of my things, and rushed down to the bathroom. I needed to leave. I didn't want to stay here anymore. I hated them. I hated this school. I hated the hospital. I hated how useless I was in that situation, and in this one. I couldn't protect myself then, and I can't protect myself now. I was completely useless.

I bumped into someone since I was deep within my mind. He grabbed me before I could fall back.

I regretted looking up.


	7. Chapter 5

Why him? Why this major dick who did nothing for me in my entire life? All he ever did was beat me up and make fun of me for my stupid brain condition.

He seemed just as shocked to see me, if not even more shocked.

"Kark-"

"Shut up, you stupid prick!" I was sure that I was screaming. It'd surprise me if I wasn't. I pushed pass the douche who made my life a living hell.

"Vantas," He huffed. "Get your plush ass back here."

"Dave fucking Strider, I don't want anything to do with you. Leave me alone or I'm actually going to tell someone unlike last time."

"Please. You couldn't resist me even if you tried."

"Well if you can see behind those stupid shades, you'd see that I'm not trying and I am resisting. Get the fuck away from me." I hissed as I sped away from the insufferable douche that made my life take a serious downfall. Whatever. Without him, I wouldn't be in the spot I'm in right now.

Special ED classes weren't so bad. People could relate to how he felt. Adults babied them and thought of them as someone who couldn't take care of themselves. That was the complete opposite of what they could actually do. They could take care of themselves! They could manage to get around school if the damned teachers gave them enough time. Enough time as in more than five minutes. Five minutes in between classes was enough for the fucking crowds everywhere.

Speaking of the cursed crowds, it was fucking horrid trying to get to class. They pushed, shoved, and did anything to cause anyone harm. I saw some kid being shoved into the wall once, so I kindly requested to be allowed to go to class when the halls had cleared out. By kindly requested, I mean complain about it until my douchebag of a brother did something about it.

Kankri was honestly a huge help with problems that I couldn't go directly to the teacher about. For example, letting him skip the last five minutes of class to escort me to lunch. It helped since Strider would avoid me whenever Kankri was around. I wish he'd fuck off already, but that wasn't going to happen unless the prick was dead. However he could be dead within the next day or so. I just hoped he got it through his thick head that I wasn't going to fucking forgive his shit head. What he did to me was unacceptable, and I absolutely hated him for it. He made my life a living hell and he expected me to forgive him. Fuck that idea with the ass with five thousand fire ants. I'd rather stay in the hospital a whole year rather than forgive him.

If I forgave him, he'd just start the bullying all over again. And if that happened, I might freak out more. Nowadays I didn't have random spaz moments in the day. I was actually getting better! At least that's what they told me. My brain could probably fail at any moment if luck wasn't on my side. I don't know shit about half the things the doctor talks about, so whatever. Hell, if I die, Strider would probably be devastated since I won't accept his apology. It'd be the perfect payback too! Sadly it'd also affect everyone else around me.

If only I was one of those idiots who pushed people away most of the time, then I wouldn't have to deal with the melodramatic shit that happened because someone started to spread rumors. Oh well. Being lonely probably wasn't much better than being around douchefucks. Being lonely was better than being anywhere close to Dave Strider though.

The name Dave Strider made me want to vomit until I passed out from body fluid loss. Was that even possible? Honestly I didn't give two shits because it wasn't going to happen. I wasn't going to let that prick get anywhere close to me especially since I was doing way better than the beginning of the school year. I didn't freak out as much as I use to. I could stay calm in situations that made me want to explode into a million bits right then and there. I was actually making progress and not freaking out over anything and _I was fucking proud of that._ Like Hell was I going to like some deadbeat asshole ruin this for me.


End file.
